Silly Hille

Oh, Yes it IS!

Not me Monday....

You know when you see those families in Wal.Mart or some other discount store, dragging around two carts full of junk and a dirty kid? Last week, that was most certainly NOT ME. Because I swore upon my life I would never, ever let myself be that mom. Even if we were faced with the task of getting gobs of groceries for my husband's graduation party, and since Madigan has learned to crawl the front of all of her outfits is filthy.... I would be sure to change her, and never utter the words "She's not that dirty...let's go!" And I would SURELY find a way to cram paper products, buns, meat, chips and the other necessities into one cart, so that my dear husband and I wouldn't need two. Because that's just white-trashy, right?

I also would NEVER let my child drink pop. Because she's only 10 months old. Even if it would have been on accident, you know? A good mom would NOT be so distracted by "Ace Of Cakes" that her daughter could actually find a straw in a diet mountain dew and take a giant chug. NOT ME! And when realizing what was going on, I most certainly would not have wondered if she drank the pop to wash the taste of the dog food out of her mouth that she had tried to eat ten minutes earlier. Because in my perfect life, with my perfect parenting skills, this would most certainly not happen here.

You know those parents who go to the Urgent Care clinic for something that has been going on with their child all day? Most definitely, absolutely NOT ME. Because as a nurse, I know better. I wouldn't leave work to stay at home with my daughter who was sent home from daycare for "vomiting", and try to convince myself it was a one-time deal. Only to nurse her, feed her lunch, and have her promptly and quite forcefully vomit on me at exactly 5:00 pm when the clinic closes. Because then I'd have to pack her up, and take her into the clinic where I'd would be forced to explain that she's been sick all day but I thought that 5:30 pm was the best time to bring her in. (and then, I would most certainly NOT contemplate leaving when I saw that Dr. Whistles Annoyingly was the doc on-call.) Here's the run-down on that waste of $40.

Patient Complaint Form: Lethargy, Temp >102, projectile vomiting, no wet diapers

Doctor Whistles Annoyingly: She has a runny nose. Looks like a cold!

Me: So what about the projectile vomiting and no wet diapers then?

Doc WA: Babies puke when they have post-nasal drip.

Me: ??? (Taken quite aback) Uh, and then the temp of 102?

Doc: Tylenol is good.

Me: So, what did the lab-work you did show?

Doc: No swine flu!! hahahahahaha (quite funny, he is)

Me: And the Blood Count?

Doc: FINE! Oh, wait, (shuffling through the chart) Her bands are elevated. Here's a script for antibiotics.

Me: antibiotics for a "cold"?

Doc: no, for the bacterial infection she has.

Me: bacterial infection of WHAT?

Doc: her nose.

Me: (mouth open) Uh... So... the plan ... would be?

Doc: Tylenol and antibiotics. She'll get over the cold quickly. Give her a tablespoon of Pedialyte now, then wait a half hour and give her TWO tablespoons.

Me: Riiiiggghhhttt. Thanks so much. Buh-bye.

Somewhere in there he did manage to tell me that he and his wife have picked their favorite grandchild, and coincidentally, they have the SAME favorite grandchild. Seriously.

Because I'm fairly sure I wasted $40 dollars of a co-pay to have a guy who must have drawn the short-straw and been forced to cover the walk in clinic tell me that my febrile, lethargic, vomiting daughter has a cold. I'm glad he clarified that she didn't have swine-flu from her CBC, because I'm sure he's had a ton of people through his clinic concerned about a Hamthrax outbreak. SHEESH. What a Monday!